If you’ve never tried, then you’ll never fail, if you’ve never failed, you’ll never grow.  No idea if anyone has ever written the opening line, nevertheless that is the genesis of this month’s Story Behind Every Photograph, didn’t figure it would be so soon with the brand new 5×12″ Chamonix camera. 

   I’ve always thought it would be interesting to write a back story about a failed photograph, at least from the perspective of the original idea and motivation to make the image. This one began with a simple disconnect between my eye, brain, and the limitations of my equipment. Come along with me on Saturday, February 13th between 3 and 4 pm.  

   I’m out the door by 2:30 heading for the Wethersfield Meadows looking for some ice in a remote area where I won’t be in anyone’s way, larger film cameras and tripods dictate time and space.   I drive into the Meadows under the Interstate 91 highway overpass and continue on a snow-covered dirt road.  Something did catch my eye on the way in, but I kept heading deeper into the Meadows in the hopes of some type of ice abstract would jump out and hail me and the new camera.  Bumping along the unplowed and snow-packed road for 15 minutes or so, I don’t see anything calling me into the February cold.  By now the loose idea rattling around in my head since the drive in was taking shape. I had formed in my mind what the photograph should look like, whether the physics of the idea would play along is always in question with these type cameras.  With only an hour left of daylight, I’m now at the point, the time of day is the best excuse ya got ?   If I don’t give this a try I’m not sleeping tonight!! I won’t give away what the opening image is, or, where I saw it until the end of the Story.  A wide cell phone shot reveals the backdrop to this image and why Mark Twain’s quote about the game of golf many times can be adapted to large film photography.  “Golf, a good walk spoiled”.

   Creating visual scenarios in my head happens often for me, in a flash I see something and begin to construct the image in my mind.  Many times to such a point I convince myself, I can pull this off !   What happens more times than not, what is easily accomplished with a cell phone is not possible with a large film camera, no matter how much effort is put forth.  So, from the tonalities that I saw as I passed by the image, I knew I could manipulate the tonalities with film processing and darkroom printing to allow a completely abstract and almost impossible to identify final print.  Seeing a literal rendering from where the image originated from, may actually diminish the mystery and impact of the final print, in fact, that is likely the very reason I’ll not use the film version I made that day.  

   In my mind, I saw the image as a long slender abstract, roughly in the dimensions of the 5×12″ camera format, which, I had just acquired.  I set up the camera with the very longest lens I have, a 24″ Fujinon C, aka 600mm lens.  The camera was made to my specs and designed to be able to use that long lens focused on infinity, with not much bellows to spare.  I set the camera up and begin to compose the image, time to focus the camera and I can’t get sharp focus, the camera is too close to the subject with such a long lens.  I back the camera up to about 25′ away hoping I can now focus the camera, no luck, the lens simply won’t focus that close with the limited amount of bellows beyond the 24″ mark.  Fingers are now hurting with the 26-degree winter air, I succumb to the notion I’ll have to use the 5×7″ format and crop out either side of the image to gain the long slender view that I have sketched out in my mind. 

   I changed to the 5×7″ back leaving the 600mm lens on and still need to back the camera up to gain focus.  With the smaller format, I came away with the image that opened this back story.  My original thought was to get so close that I could twist the camera to eliminate the static straight up and down of the image.  I positioned the camera off to the side so as not to be completely straight on to the composition, in effect this actually reduced the physical area of the column, which further compromises my original idea.   

   The visual artist in me saw and hoped for an image more along the lines of the distorted image seen here.  With a few adjustments in PhotoShop this image is closer to what was rattling around in my head, the physical limitations of large film cameras many times don’t allow for what we may create in our mind.  At least for now, the film and darkroom photographer always wins out over the conceptual computer-aided image. 

   On the 10 minute drive home with my cold fingers barking at me, I replay the events of the afternoon knowing in my head I have not created what was in my mind’s eye.  Nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge, even if it may only be a “single” (baseball metaphor) rather than a home run.  Sitting at a stoplight, my mind drifts for a moment, save for family and close friends, there’s no place I’d rather be than alone with that camera and the challenges I dream up in my mind, I chuckle and think to myself, you are one strange dude !!